Initially I wanted to have this post ready for you all on Saturday but a rather interesting thing changed my mind. I call it interesting because my brain and my heart haven't quite found the right word to describe this "thing." I'm going to be painfully honest with you and by painfully I mean that it's coming from a place that still hurts sometimes. [Insert deep breath here].

I've been single for about three months now and I've been working hard to forgive my ex. I've tried to figure out how long it takes one to get over a break-up, or a failed relationship as I like to call it, but I don't have a concrete answer yet. Be as it may, I've poured myself into Nai's Visions, work, school, networking, family, friends and God. These aren't in any particular order but I hope that you get the point. I've made it a point to keep myself busy with becoming a better woman and surrounding my space with positivity. If I must say so myself, I've been doing a pretty great job at keeping focused on the things that are the most important to my life right now. Some days aren't great but I always make sure to give myself space to vent and then pick up the pieces to keep moving.

Everything has ultimately been amazing during these past few months and I was prepared to curl up in bed with another pat to the back. But fate decided it had something else in store for me. I created an official twitter page for Nai's Visions earlier in the day and I decided to randomly check it before headed into my nightly routine. For some reason I decided to click on the tab that includes suggested users to follow...and the very first person that I see is my ex. My ex...fiance. Keep in mind that I can't even begin to tell you when I last had a conversation with him but needless to say, I've been giving closure to myself. I accepted the apologies or so I thought but something as simple as seeing his twitter left a numb feeling in my entire body that quickly escalated to sheer anger. Excuse me? What's going on here exactly?

I could have sworn that I've been through this part so why am I still here? Something that should be irrelevant to me still has the power to make me upset? So I've come to the conclusion that while most of me is open to dating again, a part of me still needs time to heal and that part of me is the key to me being completely open to a new experience. I don't know why I came across my ex's twitter page three months later...but maybe it's just a reminder that I still need to get it together internally and I'm okay with that. Instead of looking at this occurrence as a reminder of what I consider a failed relationship, I'm going to let this serve as a reflective "you're moving in the right direction but still take it one day at a time" reminder. And that means that I'm still okay even during the bad moments.