BIGGEST FAN

The first person that popped into my mind is someone whose support has been undeniable, even during the moments where we may have bumped heads and allowed tension to stir up between us.


Mommy,

I am approximately two weeks away from having been in this world for 23 years and sometimes I still get scared. Sometimes I still doubt myself despite how far I've grown from the terrified 17 year old girl that I'll never forget. But you? You've always pushed and pushed, even when I pleaded for space. Eventually you began to give me space but not before telling me something along the lines of, "you can't stay in this place forever. It may hurt but don't allow yourself to stop moving." It never occurred to me during the darkest moment in my life that you've always been on my side, rooting for me to keep going. It never occurred to me that you only pushed me because you didn't want to lose me to the pain and anguish that I was allowing myself to drown in. You only pushed me because I remind you of the younger version of yourself and you knew that it would be hard for me to forgive myself for giving up on me. Turns out that you were right.

Turns out that you've somehow always been right about the moments that threatened to steal my ambition, my creativity and my confidence. It has taken me some time to realize that you've always been proud of me and my quirkiness, even when you may not agree with some of the decisions that I choose to make. You give me space to continue growing into this beautiful version of myself and I will never forget the day that I caught you watching me with a huge smile on your face over the summer. It is a smile that I will never forget and although you only uttered, "my little baby is growing up," I heard, "I am so proud of the woman that you are growing up to be." Thank you for pushing me and planting seeds of positive words in my ear, even when I feel like I'm not worthy enough to hear them for whatever reason. It lets me know that I've never been alone in this life and that I never will be because somehow you'll always find a way to push lol. Thanks ma. 

Love,

Jazzy