As a woman I cannot begin to tell you how many times I've heard a few of my friends, even myself, utter these infamous words, "men ain't sh**." I'm guilty as charged and I'd like to say that if I could shake my former teenaged self then I politely would. Sometimes you have to speak honestly and openly to yourself. Inner dialogues are not always about uplifting. There are bad habits that you have to address within yourself too. With that being said, it has occurred to me that I've seen a lot of complaints from both men and women via social media about the lack of loyalty, honesty, fidelity, etc. in today's relationships as of late. I've read everything from why men/women of a certain race act a certain way down to why men/women period are somehow too damaged to be taken seriously. Well, if 'everyone' is too damaged then where does that leave us individually?


Simply put: assumptions create unnecessary tension and unwanted hurt. I have pushed people away plenty of times due to being consumed by the fear of being hurt. Somehow I'd adopted the idea that every person who came into my space was out to get me and I had to always be ready to attack. This led to further frustration and eventually I felt utterly alone. Not only did I end up hurting myself, I'm pretty sure that I hurt the ones that I pushed away or at least caused them to be angry with me. What does this have to do with dating? Everything.

It is severely easy to make assumptions about the person you may be attracted to or dating. You may even compare their current actions to the actions of past lovers. This person may say or do something that triggers a negative memory, prompting you to remind yourself why you don't date men/women who are ____________ (I'll let you fill that in). For me, I am learning to let the past remain where it needs to be. What good is it to carry the weight of what went wrong in previous relationships into new relationships? How will this allow me to create a healthy relationship with someone new? It won't. It will allow me to continue making assumptions and allowing said assumptions to invite negativity in.

Assumptions, no matter how 'harmless' or justifiable they may seem, are NOT facts. Have an open and honest conversation before jumping to conclusions out of fear.