I wasn't going to type this post but I came across something that shocked me a little at first but eventually made me smile. I spent most of the year trying to heal from my previous relationship and I admit, I detoured from my healing phase in order to "date" but I know better now. I was afraid of being alone for a long time and I was embarrassed because what I thought I knew about relationships seemed to crumble before my eyes at the beginning of the year. I experienced my fair share of mini break downs, not knowing how I would ever move past something that became a huge part of my life but I did it. 


So I don't have a relationship that I can flaunt on social media and I can't go on & on about how in love I am with someone right now but I'm okay with that. It's taken me some time to understand that I can obtain happiness, success and even love without a romantic relationship. I've had the chance to pour myself into Nai's Visions and watch her grow. I've connected with different inspirational and beautiful souls. I started to appreciate where I am in my personal journey and I've began to understand the inner workings of myself. I've made myself so proud and as I type this, I have tears in my eyes because I'm overjoyed. This doesn't mean that everyday is perfect but each day has become worth it to me. 

I remember praying that to God that I could find it in me to forgive this year and the inspiration behind this post made me realize that I have forgiven. Although the person that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with is no longer in my space, I hope that he is happy. I've always wanted that for him and it probably will never change.  It's just that this time, I don't have to give up my happiness in exchange for his. I get to be the expressive, creative and emotional woman that I am. As terrified as I was, spending the rest of 2014 as a single woman, I found out what it means to love myself. I remember that I envisioned the kind of woman that I wanted to be this year at the end of 2013 and today, I've grown to be her. 

This woman knows that she doesn't have to compete with other women in order to shine in life. She knows that she doesn't have to be defined by a man and his likes/dislikes. This woman knows her strengths and acknowledges the moments where she does not have access to those strengths. This woman can go into the corner of her mind that houses the memories of the 17 year old version of herself, hug her one last time and finally close the door on her. This woman can peer into the next room, seeing the man that she used to know with happiness and love spread across his face for whatever reason, and she can smile while closing the door on him too. 

I thought that I was closing doors before but I kept slamming them and guess what? They were kept open every time. I have a new-found sense of hope in my heart and  I KNOW that what is coming is so much greater than the things that I thought I needed to hold on to. I don't know what is in store for me in 2015 but I can rest easier at night knowing that I'm a lot less afraid and that I'm walking into the New Year like, "how you doin" LOL. Thank you all for continuing to support me here on Nai's Visions and I hope that you continue to stick around. I'll see you soon. :)