After dating and attempting to get to know a few people, I realized how drained I'd become. And after listening to others share their perception of their relationships, I began to question whether or not I'm even ready to invest in dating or a relationship right now. The truth is that I'm not ready. I'm not ready to share my space with a man outside of platonic friendship. I am not ready to be claimed as "someone's girl/woman". I am not ready to compromise. I am simply ready to admit that I'm not ready. 


I am not saying that being single is always wonderful and joyous. There are days where I wonder how long it will take me for me to be in a healthy and monogamous relationship. There are days when I crave the day that I'll share my space with someone who truly wants to be a part of my life. There are days when I fear becoming a certain age and still being single, or being a single mother for that matter. I do not have everything figured out but I do know that after spending a great part of the year being so relationship and dating focused, I don't have the energy to go into 2015 with these things at the forefront of my mind. 

It has taken me some time to feel like a better version of myself post relationship but I've slowly gotten to know who I am a lot better. I've faced the most mind numbing and irritating parts of myself and found the strength to still like me afterwards. Who I have become while being single is no mistake. I had to grow through the painful and angering moments in order to be who I am in this very moment. THIS is where being joyful about being single comes into play. Getting to know, care for and understand myself without focusing on someone else has been a blessing. I am able to focus on finishing my first degree, which I am months away from completing, working towards my career goals and creating my own living space outside of my parents. Going into 2015 with a reignited sense of hope, ambition and respect for myself, I know that I am ready to dedicate the time that I am single to me.

So, maybe I'm not as ready to be committed to someone as I thought I was but that's okay. I get to continue to grow into an amazing version of myself; the self that knows that she is important and deserving. I get to go into 2015, Lord willing, with confidence and faith. I get to be committed to me without questioning if it's okay for me to do so. I would find myself envying others for being in what seems like happy and beautiful relationships without knowing how they even got to that point. I'm learning that there is truly a season for everything and right now, maybe God needs me to be single on purpose. I know that I still have some internal work to do but maybe He needs my space to remain open for something greater than I can imagine. Whatever His plans are, I'm not going to view being single as an annoying thorn in my side anymore. I choose to be content with the point that I'm at in life because I know that there is still room for growth and abundant blessings. 

Life is a process and everything will eventually come full circle. I'm not sure what will occur within another year but I don't want to think too far ahead. I'm just fine taking things one day/step at a time. In my book, the little moments actually count.