I came to the realization yesterday that I have been allowing my insecurities to take charge for the past month. This usually happens when I am in state of deep vulnerability and after what took place last month, I found myself feeling more vulnerable than I've been. The tricky thing about me feeling vulnerable is that I convinced myself that it amounts to weakness and I've always been afraid of being labeled a weak or too emotional woman. As I sit here at 3:00 in the morning, typing this, I can't help but to find the word 'label' comical. 


The opinions of others are abundant in life and if you are not careful, you'll try to be everyone's idea of acceptable or perfection instead of being true to yourself. Convincing myself that my ability to be as vulnerable as I naturally am is a sign of weakness stems from being in situations where it was implied (or bluntly put) that I needed to gain control of my emotions; that I shouldn't let them run rampant because that's not the sign of a woman who has her life together. But the closer that I inch to 24 years old, the more that I care less about 'having it all together'. I am a work in progress and the fact that I get to claim ownership of my progress reminds me just resilient I truly am.

I stopped feeling adequate because I wasn't allowing myself to feel. When I let myself run wild, void of following 'rules' or doing things the 'logical' way, I am at my most comfortable. My spirit and my mind have always been vibrant. I knew that I was special as a child and I let it show, whether through entertaining others through song, dance or writing stories. Masking that part of me in order to fit into the box that others consider a responsible, strong woman has been painful and I know that the more that I try to stifle my true nature, the more that she'll roar louder in the end anyway. I don't mind the roaring because it is a reminder that I am brilliant and that my spirit will not allow me to play small in order to make others comfortable.

Right now, in the spirit of me reclaiming my wildness and my vulnerability, I feel beautiful. I don't need to have the most curvaceous body to command anyone's attention because I'm able to let my smile and personality captivate the minds (and sometimes the hearts) of whoever I encounter. I recognize how powerful I am even when I am at my lowest and alone speaks for itself. My mind has always been filled with blank canvases that await for me to allow my emotions and colorful thoughts/stories to fill every bit of white space. 

I don't claim perfection. I claim being bold with my wildness and ridding myself of apologizing for not being less blunt in my appreciation of the way I operate. So yes, the opinions of others are abundant but my transparency runs rampant and that will always be something that can't be tamed by slapping a label on it.