I love talking about how life is series of many different processes. Do I always like going through them? NO! Does life care that I could do without the uncomfortable sometimes painful and infuriating moments I experience? The answer to that is definitely no. 

So here I am, smack dab in the middle of an uncomfortable process where everything that could have possibly went wrong at one time did. My usual coping mechanism is to curl up in a little ball and wallow. Never mind the fact that I felt exhausted and allowed myself to go into a deep slumber last night. I needed to recharge lol. The point is that I usually shut down and I don't want to even try to think of anything positive happening because the negativity does a pretty good job of dumping everything it has on top of me. I usually succumb to the pressure and wade around in a pile of unpleasant mess. 

However, things have been a little different this time. I didn't necessarily ignore the feeling of defeat. Trust me, you know its real when you break down crying between the hours of 12 AM and 3 PM on a weekday. I let the rivers of pain, frustration, and rage flow until I found myself looking at a peaceful stream. The stream didn't wash away my issues but it helped me to see myself more clearly. I know it sounds crazy but hear me out. That peaceful stream I'm not accustomed to seeing shined a light on me. It wasn't concerned about washing away my problems so that I could forget about them but it was concerned about how I felt and how I was going to react to everything. It turns out that my reflection and perception are the things that are being challenged. Once again I find myself reevaluating who I thought I was, the issues I still need to work on and who I am becoming. 

So here I am, not broken but definitely open. When everything seems to go wrong at one time, it isn't meant to break us or stop us from living. Trials and tests push us past our comfort zones of what we assume we know about life and ourselves. 


Tweet: Trials and tests push us past our comfort zones of what we assume we know about life and ourselves.  



Remember how I said I usually shut down earlier? That's been my narrative and my comfort zone for so long that life (or God) decided to shake things up so I could see that maybe it's time to choose a different narrative for myself. Years from now, and maybe even in a matter of months, I'll look back at the mess that occurred during this period in my life and I'll laugh one of those triumphant, hearty laughs. You know, the kind of laughs that makes your sides hurt because you're so tickled at what you thought was going to take forever to get through?

This moment, despite the mess I'm surrounded by, is teaching me that perception is everything. I'm not out of the dark completely but I'm holding on to the fact that my intuition coupled with my faith in not only God but the fact that I can get through this is going to carry me farther than I could ever imagine. As one of my best friends has been reiterating over the past few days, it's always the darkest right before the breakthrough.